Thanks for the happy

We lost somebody on Sunday, who changed all of us. A friend, who was a brother. You couldn't have known him without it changing you. We named our first child for him. He called me a dirty hippie, and I was okay with that. He was who he was, and made no apologies, a lesson we could all learn from. He was NEVER boring. He caught you if you fell, and would go to the ends of the earth for his loved ones.

The day it happened, before I knew, I remember thinking "I haven't talked to him in awhile, I'll give him a call tomorrow." Then there was no tomorrow.

My heart hurts in a way that I can't even begin to explain. It's that kind of pain that hits you so hard, you can't even breathe, and you fear that if you dare take a deep breath it will all fall apart. You know it's never going to be the same. That kind of pain where it hits you like a ton of bricks that we're not kids anymore, and all you really want to do is curl up in your mamas arms and cry like a baby. I spent all that day trying not to lose it in front of my babies, how could I even begin to explain something like that to them.

But, I know that wasn't the way he would want it to be. So I'm trying to look past how sad I am, and remember the happy stuff. His random burstings into song. How he insisted that my kids call him "uncle daddy". That he was my first kiss, playing spin the bottle at my 13th birthday party, and he made fun of how bad a kisser I was. The shirt he wore to my wedding. His grandpa laugh. Everybody's mom was his mom. MANY long nights with friends. The playground at Encanto park. What he said to me when I told him we were expecting our third baby. The last thing he said to me when I left for Washington 6 years ago, when we thought I wouldn't be coming back. So many other things I can't type here. He would say, "do it anyway, and you can just blame it on me." So I'm blaming you for all the extra friendships and family, for the all the good stuff you gave us, for all the happiness.

We love you Chris

Inspired by another mama blogger, I decided that explaining daily life around here is best done by my crappily made illustrations. This week has left me behind on laundry again.

I finally jumped on the blog bandwagon

It seems like everybody has a blog anymore, and since I'm horrible at keeping a journal, I figured I'd join the rest of the world and start a blog of my own to keep people up to date with our busy lives. With 3 kids under 3, and me being the only girl in the house, things get pretty wild around here (my 20 month old is currently sporting a black eye from a bed jumping accident). There's my husband Allen and I, and our 3 boys. Aiden will be 3 on October 20th (I still can't believe my "baby" is turning 3), Mattox is 20 moths old, and Henry is almost 6 months old(and already crawling and trying to figure out how to stand up). All my boys keep my on my toes, but I have to admit I love it. I grew up in a family full of girls so this new world of racecars, footballs, and furniture climbing has been an eye opener to say the least. ( never knew that the toy truck needed to make a different sound than the toy car, I though they all just said "vroom vroom") Even though I feel like I'm on testosterone overload sometimes, I feel blessed to be the main lady in their lives. I'm sure lots of new things will keep happening that I can blog about, so hopefully I'll be better at blogging than I am at journaling.